Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
