So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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