All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
