Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
