my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
