Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
