he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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