yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
