if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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