ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
