I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
