Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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