i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
