I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
