We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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