i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize