hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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