she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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