At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
