Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
