nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
