ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
