Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
These tits shall not be calmed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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