the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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