i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
