matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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