I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
