dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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