you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
