I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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