so explain again why im purple
no
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
