im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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