Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
