The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
