I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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