yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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