am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
