oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's shark week go big or go home
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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