the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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