I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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