Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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