I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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