Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
