Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
