the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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