As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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