I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
