Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
