I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
