You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
