Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
