hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
