Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
