I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just high enough for therapy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
