I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
