you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
