I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
