where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize