come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
