It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
