why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
