we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
