I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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