If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
