Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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