What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Panties = found
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
