toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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