Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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