Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
