guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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