the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
