I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
