worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
