I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
