It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I came so hard my ears popped.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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