Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
