I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
