does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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