You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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