I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
