I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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