Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
