We won't sleep together?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
