They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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