I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All the doctor said was why
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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