did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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