Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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