I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
