Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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