Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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