Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
