My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
