last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
birth control should be required to get into college
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
