apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
