im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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