ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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