hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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