Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had to coat check the pizza.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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