Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
