dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
