We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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