it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
...so i touched it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just had sex bonerless
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
