It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
