That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
