Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
