Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
