Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the day after is always just damage control
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
